


It's just a bunch of hocus pocus

by SilverHeart09



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Basically I watched Hocus Pocus on the weekend, Guess who gets turned into a cat, IT'S HALLOWEEN HAVE SOME SPOOK, cat!Thirteen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-12-27 23:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21126692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverHeart09/pseuds/SilverHeart09
Summary: Whilst attending a Halloween party, the Doctor and fam get a nasty shock when they discover there's witches haunting the quiet little village of Ghouldinion, murdering the villagers and stealing their hearts...After offering their services as witchfinders, things get a little more complicated when the Doctor disappears and Yaz, Ryan and Graham are left to solve the mystery themselves. Now if only they could work out why a cat keeps following them around...





	1. I put a spell on you

**Author's Note:**

> >side eyes my wips, writes a Halloween story instead<  
This was gonna be a one-shot but, as per usual, I got carried away so have some Halloween spook which I WILL GET FINISHED BY HALLOWEEN I SWEAR.  
I watched Hocus Pocus on the weekend for the first time and this is what happened.  
I needed something to distract me from B****t.
> 
> ORCHI I WANTED TO DEDICATE THIS TO YOU BUT YOU DON'T HAVE AN AO3 ACCOUNT SO THIS IS FOR YOU YOU BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

Ryan didn't believe in witches.

He had when he was younger, like any other well-raised child did. Witches, faires, vampires, Santa Claus and even the Easter Bunny, each more un-probable than the last but most definitely real.

Then he’d caught his dad placing presents under the Christmas tree one year, his nan hiding Easter eggs and treats around the house, and his mum arranging toadstools in the garden in neat circles and had realised he’d been wrong all along. 

The Doctor hadn’t done much to change his mind, either. Whilst the universe was full of the most incredible and un-probable things, he still hadn’t paid much attention or notice to the witches or demons or vampires they’d come across. Becca Savage hardly qualified and he still hadn’t met Dracula - although the Doctor had once told them a rather bizarre sounding story about fish vampires which had left him with more questions than answers - so as far as Ryan was concerned his childhood fantasies were well and truly over. 

These guys, on the other hand, really seemed like the real deal.

‘Any joy?’ Graham hissed, and Ryan shook his head. 

‘No. These ropes are really tight.’ 

‘Tell me about it, they’re digging into my ankles,’ Yaz complained.

The cat meowed and in front of them the three witches continued stirring their cauldron. 

* * *

Perhaps it would be better to start this spooky tale at the beginning. 

* * *

_ Two days earlier _

‘Ghouldinion!’ the Doctor grinned, arms spread wide as they stepped out of the TARDIS. It was night and a full, blood moon hung heavily in the sky. If Ryan had been into omens, which he wasn’t, he would have considered this to be a bad one.

‘I swear you’re making these names up, Doc,’ Graham said, shaking his head with a sigh. ‘“Ghouldinion”? Sounds more like a heavy metal band to me.’

‘They do have an excellent music scene,’ the Doctor agreed. ‘We should check it out. Come on, gang! A halloween planet isn’t going to see itself.’

They’d arrived on the edge of a village, lights and the sounds of laughter and voices carried through the air on a light breeze. It was a cool, autumn evening and Graham adjusted the witch’s hat on his head; feeling a little daft. Yaz, Ryan, and the Doctor were similarly attired, though the Doctor seemed to have found a little witch earring to go with her hat, and she’d been most insistent they dress up and make an effort. Ryan felt like an idiot, but she’d done the puppy dog eyes and he hadn’t been able to refuse.

He found himself grateful for this as soon as they arrived in the village. It was decked in halloween decorations with pumpkins on every doorstep. Groups of children ran from porch to porch, buckets of sweets swinging from their arms, wearing costumes the likes of which he’d never seen before. They were colourful and beautifully made and absolutely nothing like the outfits all the children had worn at his local school discos growing up. He remembered the bin-bag vampire cape he’d worn one year and felt ashamed.

‘See! I told you. Didn't I tell you?’ 

The Doctor was beaming from ear to ear, pointy hat perched lopsidedly on her head. It wasn’t quite as large or extra as her witchfinder’s hat and she looked rather endearing in it, but her face was lit up in excitement and even Graham looked pleasantly surprised.

‘You did say, Doc, you’re not wrong.’

_ ‘Stick out like a sore thumb.  _ That’s what I said isn’t it? Bet you’re all glad you’re wearing hats now. Come on you lot, let’s join the party.’

_ The party,  _ as it turned out, was a massive halloween style bash with live music, more punch than Yaz would admit to drinking, and a lot of dancing. Her feet were aching but her smile was wide by the end of it and she spotted Graham at the food stand stuffing his face when she paused for a break. 

The Doctor had been right, as per usual. Ghouldinion  _ did  _ have an excellent music scene and Yaz had thoroughly enjoyed the rhythmic jazz-style music and swinging dance steps. The Doctor had turned out to be an excellent dancer, which surprised Yaz considering she’d seen her lurch into the TARDIS console on more than one occasion, and Yaz adjusted her hat as she made her way over to Graham; desperate for a snack and a glass of water. 

‘This is the most fun I’ve had in ages!’ Graham said cheerily when he saw her. ‘Sure beats running around after aliens, right, Yaz? Well, aside from the Doc I mean.’

‘Defo,’ Yaz replied, downing her glass and pouring another. ‘I wonder what other holiday-themed planets are out there? The Doctor mentioned a New Year’s Eve one, maybe there’s a Christmas and an Easter planet too?’

‘There is!’ the Doctor exclaimed, appearing - as she so often did - from seemingly nowhere. Yaz wondered if Ryan intended on following up on his threat of getting her a cat bell if she kept doing it. 

‘There’s also a Thanksgiving planet, though you’ve gotta watch out for the turkeys cause they’re  _ vicious,  _ an Armistice Day planet, a Fourth of July planet  _ and  _ an International Women’s Day planet. That last one is a right laugh, remind me to take you if you ever need a pick-me-up.’ 

Then the clock chimed midnight and, seemingly in the blink of an eye, the dance hall was empty.

‘Um, what just happened?’ Graham said, blinking in confusion. ‘Is there a curfew or something? Where did everyone go?’

‘No idea,’ the Doctor said, looking thoroughly confused. ‘It wasn’t like this the last time I was here. We partied until the sun came up. Hey, can you tell us what’s going on? Where’s everyone gone?’

These last questions were directed at a trombone player who was hastily packing away his instrument as the rest of the band hurried quickly out. 

‘You can’t stay here,’ he said, frenzied as he shoved his sheet music into his music case. ‘The witches will come after you.’

‘Witches? What witches?’

But he ran out leaving the Doctor and her friends stood in a suddenly empty room.

‘Huh,’ the Doctor mused. ‘That was weird.’ 

‘Why is it we can’t have one normal night without something peculiar happening,’ Graham complained.

‘Oi!’ the Doctor protested, looking hurt. ‘We’ve had several normal nights thank you. It just so happens that sometimes the weird stuff outweighs the normal.’

‘That’s the way you like it though, right, Doctor?’ Yaz said, and the Doctor grinned at her.

‘Absolutely. Ten points to Yaz for being observant. Come on, fam. Let’s see what’s going on.’

They left the hall, stepping out into the suddenly still night whilst Ryan mumbled about how the points system was clearly rigged in Yaz’s favour, and headed off down the road; mist seeping around their ankles as the night air suddenly grew a lot colder. 

‘Is it just me, or has it suddenly got a lot less festive?’ Graham murmured, and the other three agreed.

‘Something definitely peculiar is going on,’ the Doctor said, looking around though for what Yaz wasn’t sure. ‘What kind of planet suddenly decides to pack up a smashing party and go home at midnight? Seems a bit Cinderella.’ 

‘The original Cinderella story is  _ not  _ what the Disney film made it out to be,’ Yaz said, wincing, and the Doctor nodded her agreement. 

‘I think old Walt had to lighten it up a little for it to be appealing to children. Ah! Here we are. Somewhere with a light on.’

She knocked politely on the door and barely had time to take a step back before a figure dressed as a bat stuck his head out the door, gasped when he saw them, shot his hand out, and dragged the four of them inside; the sound of the door slamming shut behind them echoing in the large hallway.

‘Um, hi?’ the Doctor tried. ‘Sorry to just jump in on you like this. We have questions. Like, why did everyone suddenly disappear? We were having a great time.’ 

‘You must be new here,’ the bat said, removing his mask to reveal a short, stout man with a balding scalp and bushy moustache. ‘I’m the mayor, my name is Gilbert. Welcome to Ghouldinion. Please, come on through.’

He led them into his living room, a fire blazing cheerfully in the hearth, and gestured for them to sit on the sofa, holding out a pumpkin pot full of candy for them to snack on. 

‘Thanks,’ the Doctor said, her mouth full of toffee. ‘I’ve been here before, years ago, and it wasn’t like this. Everyone was out till the early hours partying! Why the sudden curfew? And who are these witches everyone’s so frightened of?’

‘The witches moved in a few months ago,’ Gilbert said, sitting in the armchair opposite them with shaking hands. ‘We didn't realise, not at first, but then people started going missing and soon we saw them flying through the air on their broomsticks. It didn't take long for us to realise it was after midnight they hunted.’

‘Hunted?’ Yaz looked disgusted. ‘On humans?’

‘Unfortunately so,’ Gilbert sighed. ‘They take the hearts, though we’re not sure what for. We find the - the -’ he swallowed hard ‘- the  _ bodies  _ of their victims on the edge of the forest in the mornings, their hearts missing. Since we installed the curfew, we haven’t had a death since. That we know of, anyway.’

‘That’s awful,’ Ryan said, but the Doctor was frowning.

‘Where did these witches come from? Has anyone met one?’

‘Yes,’ Gilbert said, his face full of woe. ‘Danielle. This was back when the witches first moved in, but before we became aware of them. She was walking home one evening with a friend after seeing a film and she said the witches all emerged from the forest together. They took her friend, but luckily she managed to escape.’ He shook his head, expression downtrodden and face grey. ‘We found her friend the next morning in the same spot, her heart torn from her chest.’

‘Oh my god,’ Graham murmured. ‘Poor Danielle.’

‘I would be honoured if you stayed in my home this evening,’ Gilbert said. ‘But unfortunately I cannot recommend you stay here any longer than that. Our citizens are already fleeing the city, we’re becoming a ghost town.’

‘Well then,’ the Doctor said, puffing out her chest and producing her psychic paper with pride. ‘I bet you’re glad we’re here. Professional witchfinders at your service.’

‘Yeah! That’s true actually!’ Graham said, and the other three glared at him whilst Gilbert inspected the paper.

‘But - but this is marvellous news! Have you experience with this sort of situation?’

‘Definitely!’ the Doctor said, before Graham had a chance to put his foot in it. ‘We’ll sort you out, don’t even worry about it. Where did Danielle see the witches? By the forest you said? Do you think she’ll take us there?’

‘I’m not sure she would,’ Gilbert said, shaking her head. ‘She’s still very shaken up by the whole thing. There is a memorial however on the spot. If you walk along the trail you’ll find it soon enough, but please - stay here this evening. It’s not safe to go out at night.’

Ryan, Yaz and Graham half-expected the Doctor to disagree with him and insist they go out into the dark right that minute, but surprisingly she agreed to his offer of a warm room and a few minutes later Yaz found herself lying on a bed top-and-tailing with the Doctor, who was staring up at the ceiling in silence.

Well, almost silence. Yaz could practically hear the cogs of her brain turning. 

‘Do you really think it’s witches?’ Yaz asked.

‘Maybe, never say never,’ the Doctor said. ‘I don’t think it’s Carrionites though, they weren’t massively interested in hearts last time I bumped into them.’ 

‘Who are they?’

‘Witches. Sort of. Not really. They use the power of words to change reality. That was the time I met Shakespeare!’ 

‘Of course you met Shakespeare,’ Yaz chuckled. ‘What’s he like?’

‘Sexually ambiguous,’ the Doctor said thoughtfully. ‘I’m not sure this lot are anything like them though, if they even are witches.’

‘You think Gilbert is lying?’

There was silence for a moment, then the Doctor wriggled around a bit until her face was suddenly next to Yaz’s.

‘Here’s the thing about different time eras and civilisations,’ she said, and Yaz braced herself for a lecture. ‘You grow up learning about something,  _ believing  _ in something so strongly, that when something happens - whether it’s bad or good - you just immediately assume it’s related to your belief system. Like you lot, for example. Ice on the window in the mornings is Jack Frost, presents around the Christmas tree is Father Christmas, and this lot are no different. They’ve all been brought up believing in the different elements of Halloween. Of course when a murder happens they’re going to assume it’s witches.’

‘The broomstick thing probably helped with that theory,’ Yaz agreed.

‘Hmm. I have to say I’m stuck on that,’ the Doctor admitted. ‘Can’t say I’ve ever met a race that fly on broomsticks. The Curvax fly on  _ ladders,  _ but that’s an entirely different household item.’

‘But do  _ you  _ think it’s witches,’ Yaz asked. ‘I mean, hypothetically.  _ Could it  _ be witches?’

‘Nah,’ the Doctor replied. ‘I think it’s just a bunch of hocus pocus. Still, never say never.’

She flopped onto her back and continued looking up at the ceiling. 

‘Better get some sleep, Yaz. Probably gonna be a busy day tomorrow. A witchfinder’s work is never done and all that.’

‘Shame you didn't keep that hat,’ Yaz said sleepily, and the Doctor was still chuckling when she drifted off a few moments later. 

* * *

It was cold and crisp the next morning, a proper autumn day, and the Doctor produced her rainbow scarf from her pocket and wrapped it around her neck. How she fit it in there Ryan wasn’t sure, though he suspected it had something to do with  _ dimensional engineering  _ or however it was she managed to squeeze the TARDIS into a tiny blue box. Graham had once asked her if Mary Poppins was the same species as she, what with the massive canvas bag that fit seemingly everything in it, but the Doctor had only smiled knowingly and not given him a straight answer. 

‘Forest trail looks like it’s this way, Doc,’ Graham called, pointing at a signpost at the end of the street.

The Doctor was frowning at her sonic screwdriver, face scronched.

‘It’s weird. The sonic isn’t picking up anything supernatural,’ she said. ‘Perfectly normal town according to this.’

‘Maybe it doesn’t do witches?’ Ryan suggested.

‘Oi! It did the Morax. Sort of.’

‘I thought you said they didn't count as witches?’ Yaz said, and the Doctor pulled a face at her. 

Word of the new witchfinders seemed to have spread as the townspeople were a lot more friendly towards them that morning, smiling and waving good morning as they passed through the streets. The air smelt of pumpkin and cinnamon and the Halloween decorations remained spread cheerily across porches, bunting and coloured lights hanging between trees. The sky was a burnt orange and Yaz noticed the Doctor looking up at it wistfully, but soon her attention was drawn to the forest path and the dark trees that were overhanging above them and blocking out the sun.

‘Looks ominous,’ Graham said. ‘Meaning it’s right up your street, right, Doc? Doc? Oh, she's already off.’

The Doctor was bounding from tree to tree, sniffing the bark and occasionally bending down to try the soil. 

‘Tasty?’ Ryan asked her.

‘Of course. Tastes normal though, nothing supernatural or witchy at all. Come on fam, keep your eyes peeled.’

It got darker the further into the forest they went, branches snapping under their feet, and the Doctor produced a large torch from the cavernous expanse of her pockets and shone it around, squinting up at the pale light filtering in through the trees. 

‘I’m amazed anyone ever goes in this forest,’ Graham said. ‘It’s terrifying.’

‘They’re probably used to it,’ the Doctor said. ‘If you live on a planet where believing in supernatural activity is your bread and butter then a creepy forest probably doesn’t even register on the weird-o-meter. I am getting the sneaking suspicion that the tree growth has been accelerated though.’

‘Accelerated how?’ Yaz asked. ‘You mean someone’s making the trees grow faster?’

‘Looks like it,’ the Doctor said, sniffing the air. ‘I doubt anyone’s noticed if they’re all too afraid to come in here. Good way to hide away though. Find a conveniently placed forest, make the trees grow to stop people wanting to come in, then hide yourself away.’

‘Sounds like witchcraft to me,’ Ryan said. ‘It’s all very Sabrina.’

‘One of the characters in the show reminds me of an old mate of mine,’ the Doctor said sadly. ‘Well, I say  _ mate -’ _

‘Doctor, look!’ Yaz said, pointing. 

In amongst a patch of overgrown brambles was a small, grey stone with letters printed upon it. Wilting flowers that had clearly been there for a while framed the edges of the stone and when the Doctor knelt down to brush away the weeds she saw the name of  _ Henrietta Price  _ engraved upon it; the date printed underneath only a few months prior. 

‘Must be Danielle’s friend,’ Graham murmured quietly. ‘We must be close.’

‘The mayor said the witches emerged from the forest to take her friend,’ Ryan said. ‘But emerged from where? The trees are so overground it’s impossible to spot where the path is.’

‘Almost impossible,’ the Doctor said, squinting at the ground. ‘It looks like the path continues straight ahead.’

‘And you’re going to suggest getting off of it, aren’t you?’ Yaz sighed.

‘Well of course,’ the Doctor said. ‘We’re never going to find the witches otherwise are we?’

‘And finding them is the idea then, is it, Doc?’ Graham asked. ‘Are you sure that’s the best idea considering what they’re doing to the villagers? They’ll have a field day with you, what with your two hearts and incredibly high blood pressure.’

‘If we can get least get close enough to scan them...’ the Doctor pondered. ‘Come on gang, let’s head this way.’

She stepped over the edge of the path, her boots crunching on the soil, and Yaz noticed her place a hand on Henrietta’s memorial stone, pausing for a moment before continuing onwards.

It was darker and darker the further in they went and soon Yaz could barely see the others, the trees hanging down so low she was practically crouching and crawling through the bushes.

‘Maybe we should head back, Doc,’ she heard Graham call from somewhere to her left. 

The Doctor's response came from somewhere in the opposite direction, so muffled Yaz couldn’t hear her and, with a sinking sensation in her chest, she realised they were cut off from each other.

‘Ryan?’ she called. ‘Graham? Doctor?’

But only her own voice echoed back to her and it was now so dark Yaz could barely see an inch in front of her face. Twigs and weeds tugged at her clothes and Yaz fought her way through them, panic rising up in her as she realised she was now hopelessly lost. 

‘Doctor!’

‘Yaz?’

Ryan’s voice was closer than she’d expected and she crashed into him a few moments later, sending the two of them tumbling to the hard ground. 

‘I can’t find the Doctor or Graham!’ Ryan said, helping Yaz up and activating the torch on his phone; the bright rectangle of light illuminating Yaz’s face in the gloom. 

‘I’m over here!’ Graham called, and Yaz blindly reached out her arm till Graham gripped her hand and was pulled into their little circle, the light from Ryan’s phone putting her in mind of a storyteller around a campfire.

‘Where’s the Doctor?’ Yaz asked. ‘Was she with you?’

‘No! I thought she was with you?’ Graham said. ‘She always is!’

Then they heard a scream.

‘Doctor!’ 

The three of them tumbled blindly through the trees, calling out for their friend, until a thin stream of light caught their attention and Graham bent down to pick up the Doctor’s torch, abandoned in the grass.

‘Doc? Where are you?’ he yelled. 

‘Wait, what’s that?’ Ryan said, pointing with the light from his phone. 

A few feet away, lying in the muddy ground, was something grey. Yaz ran towards it and let out a gasp when she realised it was the Doctor's coat, abandoned in the dirt. Underneath was her t-shirts, trousers and braces and even her boots with their socks still inside them were close by. Her rainbow scarf trailed in the dirt and Yaz wrapped it around her own neck, brushing off the soil. 

‘Um, what?’ Ryan said, super confused. ‘Why did she take her clothes off?’

‘Doctor?’ Yaz called, uncertain. ‘Where are you?’

A noise sounded through the air, a sound that set Yaz’s teeth on edge and made the hairs on her arms stand on end. It was high pitched yet rough at the same time, quiet yet loud. She wanted to press her hands over her ears but instead she bent and gathered up the Doctor's belongings, gritting her teeth as the noise increased in pitch. It sounded familiar and beside her Graham and Ryan were both looking around, shining the light from Ryan’s phone and the Doctor's torch to find the source.

It took Yaz a few moments to remember what it sounded like.

‘The Dalek,’ she said quietly to Ryan. ‘When it laughed, it sounded a bit like that.’

‘You think there’s a Dalek close by?’ Graham said, alarmed, but Ryan shook his head. 

‘No. It’s not exactly like the Dalek, but it does sound like -’

‘Laughter,’ Yaz realised in horror. ‘Something’s  _ laughing  _ at us.’

‘Oi! Knock that off!’ Graham said with bravado, though his voice wavered a little. ‘What have you done with the Doc?’

_ You should learn not to stick your nose in our business. _

The voice sounded through the trees, menacing and low, and Yaz felt her heart pounding quick in her chest.

‘Just give her back, whatever you’ve done with her,’ Yaz replied, feeling irritated when her voice betrayed her fear.

The laughter sounded again.

_ Of course, human. She’s all yours. _

Then there was a white flash of light and Yaz found herself flung backwards, landing with a  _ thud  _ on hard concentre with the Doctor's clothing still cradled against her chest.

‘What the hell?’

Graham’s voice was rough and Yaz suddenly realised she could see the sky above her, the burnt orange burning her retinas after the darkness of the forest.

‘Are you alright? What happened?’

Gilbert’s voice got closer and Yaz realised in horror that they were back in the village square, near where the party had been held the night before. Villagers were coming out of their homes and pausing in the street to watch the three of them pick themselves up from the ground, blinking and disoriented in the sudden daylight. A crowd was beginning to form, children whispering to their parents about the three people that had just appeared out of thin air.  _ No honestly mummy, it was thin air!  _

‘Your friend,’ Gilbert realised. ‘Where is she? Why are you holding her clothes?’

‘I don’t - I don’t know,’ Yaz said. Her head felt fuzzy and her stomach was turning. She almost felt as though she was going to be sick and had to bend forward a little to let the blood return to her head, the nausea settling as the aftereffects of the witches’ magic faded slowly away. The Doctor's clothes were still warm in her arms and Yaz could feel the hard cylinder that was her sonic screwdriver in her coat pocket. There’s no way she’d willingly leave her most precious tool behind, was there?

‘Where is she?’ Ryan said, looking around in panic. ‘Where did she go? Why did she take her clothes off?’

Sat in the middle of the square, by a concrete fountain with a statue of the headless horseman in the middle of it, a small yellow cat blinked its green eyes; before jumping down and disappearing into the crowd. 

  
  



	2. My whammy fell on you and it was strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR SOME CAT!DOCTOR SHENANIGANS

The town hall was filled to the brim with angry villagers, the cacophony of sound so loud that Yaz, Graham, and Ryan could hardly hear each other over the yelling and shouting.

‘That’s enough! Settle down!’ Gilbert called from the front of the room, though it still took another few minutes before Yaz was finally able to hear herself think. 

‘This has gone on for long enough!’ a villager yelled. She was a middle aged woman wearing a flour stained apron and immediately a chorus of ‘hear hear’ echoed her statement. 

‘You employ witchfinders and the witches kill one of them!’ a man shouted, and Yaz winced in the following loud rush of voices. 

‘We don’t believe she’s dead, only missing,’ Gilbert said, his expression grave. ‘We have not yet retrieved her bo-’ He paused and looked down at the three humans sat in the front room. Yaz bowed her head and a respectful silence fell.

‘Look,’ Gilbert sighed, rubbing his tired face with his hands. ‘This plague of witches is like nothing this village has ever come across before. We are not prepared for this, as demonstrated by the recent terrible events which have befallen us, and I fear that perhaps the time has come for us to admit defeat.’

‘Defeat? What’s that supposed to mean?’ someone called from the back of the room.

‘We cannot allow any more people to be taken by the witches,’ Gilbert said, his voice a little stronger. ‘First our own were slaughtered, then they took a visitor to this land; a woman who only wished to help us. We are not safe here any more. Perhaps it is time…’ he shook his head sadly and looked out across the room, meeting the eyes of as many villagers as he could. ‘Perhaps it is time we left, and found a new home.’

Yaz had expected an outcry at these words, but instead the townsfolk were silent. She realised with a heavy heart that the majority of them must have been anticipating this outcome for a while now, and would more than likely be grateful to find a new and safer place to call home. 

‘We’ve lived here for generations,’ a woman said from somewhere in the middle of the room. ‘To be cast out in such a way, our home lost to witches...’

‘This is not a decision we must take lightly,’ Gilbert said. ‘And indeed for some of you this will mean uprooting your entire family. But we must try to protect those who are left behind, to honour the memory of those who were stolen from us.’

Yaz felt the sonic screwdriver dig into the pocket of her jeans and her heart felt heavy. There had been no sign of the Doctor since they’d been thrown back into the village, though they’d spent hours looking for her in desperation. None of the villagers had seen her either but they had reluctantly agreed to send a scouting party off to the forest to look. They’d arrived back a few hours ago with no happy news for them and it was now beginning to get dark again, the sky outside a mixture of grey and muddy orange. 

‘When do you suggest we vacate?’ a timid voice said, and Gilbert smiled sadly at them all.

‘That is entirely up to you,’ he said. ‘As we know, some of our neighbours have already moved away. I shall reach out to them and ask if they have room for us or know where we can lay down the foundations of a new village. This will be a team effort and we must all work together. The curfew will remain in place until then and in light of today’s tragedy we shall forego this evening’s celebrations.’

‘It’s not a tragedy yet,’ Ryan muttered, kicking the front of the stage with his foot. 

The hall began to empty, villagers shooting sad glances at the three humans as they went, and soon it was only Yaz, Graham, and Ryan left in their seats as Gilbert stood outside in the square to speak to the people.

‘Well obviously we’re not leaving,’ Graham said, standing up and leaning against the stage with a scowl. ‘We’ll be the last ones standing if I’ve got anything to say about it. Witchfinders United, isn’t that what the Doc said to King James?’

‘She can’t be dead,’ Ryan said with a frown. ‘She just can’t. But where is she? Why could we only find her clothes?’

‘We need to go back in and look for her,’ Yaz said. ‘If no-one’s seen her in town she must still be in the forest.’

‘That scouting party didn't find her but I doubt they went far enough,’ Graham said. He shuddered and looked sad for a moment. ‘I really don’t like the thought of her wandering around in there all by herself, especially if she’s in her birthday suit as well. She wouldn’t leave  _ us _ behind.’

It was at that moment that a small, yellow cat jumped onto the seat recently vacated by Graham and sat there, blinking at them.

‘Hello, puss,’ Graham said to it. ‘Where did you come from?’

The cat meowed at them, displaying a set of sharp teeth, and Graham stroked its head. 

‘You seem to have found a friend,’ Gilbert said, walking up to them and spotting the cat on the chair. ‘It was sat at the back of the hall during the meeting. I’m not sure who it belongs to.’

The cat drew itself up, fur standing on end as it hissed and growled at Gilbert, green eyes blazing with fury. Yaz felt it was strange that, whilst the cat was obviously not keen on Gilbert, she couldn’t feel its claws in her legs. She remembered her friend’s cat growing up who always had its claws out whenever it was cross about anything. In fact, in a strange way, it almost felt as though this cat was trying to  _ protect  _ her somehow. 

‘It’s not a fan of you, mate!’ Graham chuckled. ‘Not a cat person are you?’

‘We’re gonna head back into the forest,’ Ryan said. ‘See if we can find the Doctor. She’s gotta still be in there.’

‘Are you sure that’s safe?’ Gilbert said gently. ‘We really appreciate everything you’ve tried to do for us, but please don’t put yourselves at risk. Our scouting team couldn’t find your friend in the forest and there’s been no sign of her since.’

The cat hissed louder and let out a low yowl. Yaz patted it on the head to try and placate it.

‘It’s unlikely they went far enough,’ Ryan countered, feeling irked at Gilbert’s use of the word  _ tried _ . ‘Plus just because they couldn’t find her doesn’t mean she isn’t there. We can’t leave her there, especially not now it’s getting dark.’ 

The cat was urgently trying to get Yaz’s attention now, jumping up at her shoulder and shoving its face in her neck or batting a paw against her face. 

‘You sure like attention don’t you?’ Yaz said, stroking its back. The cat jumped into Yaz’s lap and meowed loudly up at her, seemingly getting more irritated by the second. 

‘Come on, let’s head off now before it gets any later,’ Graham said, and Yaz stood; brushing the cat from her lap who landed on the floor and scowled. Ryan had never seen a cat scowl before, wasn’t even aware cats  _ could  _ scowl, but he’d swear blind that’s what it was doing. 

‘Can you lend us some torches?’ Ryan asked Gilbert, who still looked very uncomfortable about the whole idea. 

‘Of course. But please, are you sure? I would hate for anything to happen to you three as well.’

‘Mate, we’re your witchfinders,’ Ryan said. ‘This is our job.’

* * *

The street was noticeably colder and darker when they stepped outside, mist swirling around the fountain and flickering lights from Jack-o-lanterns blinking menacingly at them in the fog. The villagers were beginning to pack down their stalls and head back inside, baskets of freshly grown vegetables on their arms. The blood red moon had risen once again in the sky and Graham shuddered at the sight. Unlike his grandson, he was a big believer in omens. He remembered what Grace used to say every time there was a full moon over Sheffield.

_ ‘Ooh those nurses on the dementia wards are going to be for it this evening!’ _

Perhaps it was Grace’s nurse mannerisms and superstitions rubbing off on him, Graham considered. He certainly hadn’t picked it up from the Doc who didn't let a single thing phase her in the slightest.

The yellow cat rubbed against his ankles and sat looking up at the moon, the rocky globe reflected in its green eyes.

‘You should head on home,’ Graham told it. ‘Haven’t you heard? There’s witches here. Maybe they’re hiring for a new witch’s cat though, you’d probably get on well with them.’

The cat let out a noise which, if Graham didn't know better, didn't half sound like a laugh. 

‘Come on then Witchfinders United,’ Ryan said. ‘Let’s get moving.’

Yaz had the Doctor’s scarf wrapped around her neck and her clothing in a bag on her back, just in case they did find her roaming the woods naked. Yaz wouldn’t put it past her; she wouldn’t put anything past her as a matter of fact. She’d once caught the Doctor making smores in her kitchen at 3am whilst her parents were asleep. Running through trees with no clothes on seemed like the natural next step up. 

‘Shame we didn't grab those witches hats,’ Graham grumbled. ‘I didn't half feel like a tit but it did keep my head warm.’

They set off towards the trees, the torches Gilbert had given them held aloft in their hands. Some of the braver villagers were stood by the side of the road like an honour guard as they three of them left the safe confines of the village square, pumpkins on the ground in front of them, stood silent against the backdrop of their houses.

‘They’re meant to ward off bad omens, that’s what the Doctor said,’ Yaz said, looking at the Jack-o-lanterns. 

‘Not sure she was right about that,’ Ryan replied glumly. 

There was a meow from behind them and the three of them turned at the entrance to the forest, looking back to find the small, yellow cat following them; swishing its tail as it went. 

‘Mate, you really need to head back towards the village,’ Graham said, trying to shoo it away with his foot. ‘You’re not safe here.’

The cat meowed again and padded past them all, heading into the woods and darting from tree to tree as it sniffed at the ground curiously.

‘I’m not taking responsibility for it,’ Yaz protested when the two men looked at her. ‘That cat clearly has a death wish.’

It seemed darker in the forest than it had that morning and the trees seemed to overhang more, stray twigs and branches catching at their clothes as they went. The cat jumped from branch to branch, staying off the ground and occasionally letting out a quiet meow, but it didn't take long for Yaz, Graham and Ryan to realise they were completely lost, now so deep in darkness they would have been completely blind if it weren’t for the torches.

‘How else do you find something that doesn’t want to be found?’ Ryan said with a shrug. ‘Getting lost and hoping we stumble into them seems like the most sensible decision, to be honest.’ 

The cat flicked its tail. It had sent up camp around Yaz’s neck, perched on top of her backpack and half wrapped around her shoulders, and Graham could see its green eyes glinting in the darkness. He was starting to wonder if it really  _ was  _ one of the witches’ cats, sent to lure them deeper in, but it seemed so friendly and adventurous he was having a difficult time believing that theory. It also seemed rather intelligent, for a cat, and he’d been chattering away to it while they walked deeper into the trees, talking about the walking tours he’d gone on through the forests of Asia as a younger man. He’d swear blind the cat had listened to every word.

Besides, if it did have malevolent intentions they may find the Doctor faster. 

They’d call her name every now and then but only their own voices would bounce back through the trees, echoing above their heads in the canopy of leaves. Occasionally the cat would meow in response, or lick the side of Yaz’s neck affectionately, but they were all beginning to lose hope in the pitch darkness of the woods.

‘What do we do now?’ Ryan said, sitting down on a log and putting his head in his hands. ‘We’re never gonna find her and we’re hopelessly lost.’

The cat jumped down from Yaz’s shoulders and brushed against his ankles, purring reassuringly as he bent down to stroke its back.

‘We just keep going,’ Graham shrugged, sitting beside him. ‘She’s gotta be in here somewhere. Maybe we’ll find the witches first and we can ask them.’

‘Yeah, that’ll go well,’ Yaz said, chuckling to herself. ‘“Hey guys. Do you know where our friend is? Small, blonde, chatty”?’

The cat meowed.

‘“Last seen eating soil, decided to take her clothes off for some reason”,’ Graham joined in.

The cat meowed louder and more indignantly. 

‘Wait,’ Ryan said, shushing the other two. ‘Do you hear that?’

They listened carefully, peering into the dark. There was a voice drifting through the breeze, the same quiet cackle they’d heard earlier on in the day and Ryan felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. On the ground by his feet, the cat began to growl; fur standing on end as it drew itself up to its full height and hissed through its teeth.

‘Do you think that’s them?’ Graham whispered. 

‘Last chance to get out of here,’ Yaz whispered to the cat, but in response it jumped back onto her shoulders and nuzzled her neck, meowing insistently.

‘Alright then,’ Graham said. ‘Let’s get moving. What time is it, Ryan?’

‘Almost midnight,’ Ryan said, shining his torch on his watch.

‘Hopefully if they did catch the Doc they won’t need another victim,’ Graham said, trying to put a cheery - if slightly morbid - spin on things, ‘what with her two hearts and all.’

The cat hissed at him and batted his ear with a paw. 

They continued trekking through the darkness, keeping their torches shining on the ground in front of them as they listened for the voice calling them on the air. The cat remained perched on Yaz’s shoulders, occasionally growling to itself, and when Ryan tripped over a branch and landed on his face it was immediately in front of him, meowing softly and pawing his hand.

‘I’m fine,’ Ryan told it grumpily. ‘Don’t suppose cats have heard of dyspraxia, have they?’

Yaz was getting an uncomfortable feeling about the cat, but as soon as she opened her mouth to speak it aloud another stronger voice spoke clearly.

_ They are here.  _

Her vision went funny then, blues and green sliding in front of her eyes as the ground under them seemingly fell away. Coldness swept into her bones and she dimly felt the cat jump back up on her shoulders and yowl quietly to itself as her head spun and she held out her arms for balance. It felt as though she was spinning into nothingness, falling forward into oblivion, but after a few moments her vision returned to her and she found herself in a cave, Graham and Ryan stood close by, with three old hags stood in front of them and a black cauldron bubbling away behind them.

‘Welcome,’ one of the witches said, face twisted in a grotesque smile. ‘We’re so glad you could join us. We’ve been waiting for you.’

‘You could have sent us a text or something,’ Graham said, voice brave though Yaz knew he was probably bricking it. ‘Those trees out there are dense as anything.’

‘What did you do with our friend?’ Ryan piped up, hands in fists at his sides. ‘Where’s the Doctor?’

The witches threw back their heads and cackled loudly. Yaz looked around anxiously for the cat, but it was nowhere to be seen. She prayed it had been left behind in the forest and hadn’t followed them in.

‘Your friend is quite safe, unlike you three,’ a witch said, yellow teeth bared as she sneered at him. She lifted her hands and thick ropes suddenly formed around their arms and waists, unbalancing the three humans and sending them crashing to the ground with a heavy thud. Yaz felt the sonic screwdriver come loose from her pocket and she quickly grabbed it and hid it up her sleeve, not wanting the witches to know she had something so precious. 

The witches turned and continued stirring their cauldron, chanting as they did so. Yaz looked up at the ceiling, taking in the dark, dank atmosphere of the cave. It smelt damp and something wet was seeping into Yaz’s jeans, though she tried her hardest not to look to see what it was, deciding she was perhaps better off not knowing. It was well lit, however, with braziers containing lit torches lining the walls and a large fire underneath the bubbling cauldron providing heat. It certainly wasn’t cold, in fact it was starting to get uncomfortably hot and Yaz could feel the sweat dripping down her face. Beside her, Ryan and Graham were tugging at the ropes, trying to get free, though Yaz knew it was useless. 

‘Any joy?’ Graham hissed, and Ryan shook his head. 

‘No. These ropes are really tight.’ 

‘Tell me about it, they’re digging into my ankles,’ Yaz complained.

As the witches continued their cauldron stirring and low chanting, the small yellow cat appeared from the darkness and climbed into Yaz’s lap, rubbing its face against her arm and meowing quietly. 

‘Ah mate, I was hoping you got left behind,’ Graham said, crestfallen. He quite liked cats and didn't want to see any harm come to this one. He’d gotten rather attached to it. 

‘I was hoping the Doctor would be here,’ Ryan said, neck straining as he tried to look around the cave. ‘But I can’t see her anywhere. Where is she?’

The cat meowed and Yaz cleared her throat. 

‘I, I  _ think- ’  _ Yaz said quietly, unsure how to say this. 

‘What?’ Graham asked. ‘What’s up?’

Yaz gestured at the cat with her bound hands. 

‘I think this is the Doctor,’ she said quietly. 

‘Yaz no that’s a cat,’ Graham said, as though that was obvious. 

‘A cat who appeared in the village at the same time we did, who hasn’t left our side since, who decided wandering through a pitch black forest would be a good idea, and who has fur the same colour as the Doctor's hair,’ Yaz said, looking down at the small animal in her lap. The cat was grinning. 

Ryan and Graham looked at it in shock.

‘Doc?’ Graham said, eyes wide, and the cat hopped into his lap and bopped his nose with a paw.

‘They  _ turned you into a cat?!’  _ Ryan said, flabbergasted. ‘But that’s - that’s - that’s  _ really rude.’  _

The cat meowed as though it agreed with him, then jumped back onto Yaz’s lap and shoved its nose under her sleeve, dragging out the sonic screwdriver with its teeth. 

‘I hope you’ve got a plan,’ Graham told it. ‘Cause I’ve got no idea what’s going on. How  _ do  _ you turn someone into a cat? How does that even work?’

That cat mewed, attention fixed on the sonic. It was pressing the switch with its paw, flipping through the different settings intently. 

‘Are you okay?’ Ryan asked it. ‘Like, other than being a cat, are you alright?’ 

The cat looked up at him and nodded.  _ Actually  _ nodded. Ryan felt like an idiot for not realising it was the Doctor sooner. 

‘The potion is complete,’ one of the witches said. ‘Sisters, prepare the humans.’

The three hags turned and began to walk towards them, menace in their eyes. Yaz looked down at her lap but the cat, and the sonic, had both vanished. 


	3. cause of all the witches working, I'm the worst!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO GOT THIS STORY FINISHED ON SCHEDULE.
> 
> HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEN. 
> 
> Thank you to the AMAZING Ginoodle for some awesome cat!Doctor shenanigans in this chapter <3 <3

‘How about you let us go and we’ll discuss this over a nice pot of tea?’ Graham tried, but he wasn’t surprised when he was cackled at in response. 

‘Funny human,’ one of the witches hissed through its teeth. ‘You all think you’re so _ funny.’ _

_ ‘ _I’ve done a bit of stand-up in my day,’ Graham admitted, and Yaz saw Ryan roll his eyes. Perhaps Ryan had been on the receiving end of said stand-up and hadn’t thought it was much cop. 

‘What do you want with us?’ Yaz asked, struggling against the ropes as a witch bent down and tugged her up by the front of her jumper, her trainers sliding against the ground as she struggled for purchase on the wet stone floor. 

‘Your hearts are so tasty,’ the witch holding her said, smacking its lips in anticipation. ‘Delicious and nutritious.’ 

Now she was close enough, Yaz was able to look down into the cauldron. The liquid inside was a filthy black colour, thick as tar, and she swallowed hard; her suddenly very vulnerable heart beating like a drum in her chest. 

‘What’s that then?’ Yaz asked, hoping she’d be able to stall long enough for the cat to come up with a plan or the two men to wriggle themselves free, not that she was banking on either of those options coming to fruition. She felt the rope graze against her wrists, a trickle of blood leaking into the palm of her hand, and she knew it was hopeless. The ropes were just too tight. 

‘This is our feed,’ another witch said, eyes glinting in the low light of the room. ‘This is the energy that sustains us. We need human hearts to provide the flavour, the protein. The hearts complete our potion.’

‘Don’t suppose you’ve tried salt, pepper, and some nuts or eggs?’ Yaz suggested. ‘Must be easier to come by.’

‘But not as tasty,’ the third witch cackled, and Yaz realised with an accompanying uncomfortable sensation in her stomach that her teeth were sharp as knives.

‘Sisters, tie her down,’ the second witch said, and Yaz felt herself being shoved backwards onto an uncomfortable wooden table, unable to move as more ropes immediately sprung up around her wrists and waist to keep her still. 

‘I know a great recipe for cottage pie if you fancy something a bit less tough?’ Graham suggested, struggling to get free. ‘You don’t wanna eat Yaz. We’re from another planet, who knows what horrible diseases we’re carrying you don’t know about? Like measles! Ever heard of that? It’s really infectious, you could have caught it off one of us already.’

‘You were screened as soon as you arrived,’ a familiar voice said, and Ryan scowled in anger as Gilbert appeared from the shadows, a twisted scowl on the mayor’s face.

‘Alright, _ mate?’ _Graham spat at him. ‘No wonder you didn't want us going up here.’ 

‘This is your town!’ Yaz protested, struggling against her bounds. ‘Why are you doing this?’

‘She is one of us,’ the first witch grinned and Gilbert reached for something on his belt, phasing into another witch a few moments later.

‘Perception filters always work on pathetic humans,’ witch-Gilbert said. ‘Your minds are so small, so primitive. These villagers believed I was their mayor immediately, like a wolf in sheep’s clothing they accepted me as one of their own without a second thought.’

‘They’re good people,’ Ryan said. 

‘They’re _ idiots,’ _witch-Gilbert grinned. 

‘It didn't work on the Doctor though, did it?’ Yaz yelled, trying to kick with her legs as the third witch came closer. ‘She saw right through you in the town hall! No wonder she hissed at you. She was trying to protect us!’

‘Only when she was a cat though,’ Ryan said, confused.

‘There was that documentary on the telly a few weeks ago, wasn’t there?’ Graham realised suddenly. ‘Remember? Animals can sense and see things people can’t, like dogs warning their owners when they’re gonna have epileptic fits and stuff. Maybe cats can see through perception filters!’

‘Where is the cat?’ witch-Gilbert hissed. ‘I saw it following you into the forest.’ 

‘Got left behind!’ Ryan said quickly. ‘I think it’s still in the woods somewhere. You better be able to change her back or she’s going to be really cross!’ 

‘Wait, you knew who she was, then?’ Graham said, confused. 

‘We can smell the stink of a Time Lord from a mile away,’ the second witch scowled. ‘Their hearts are no good for us, no good at all, and they’re always sticking their noses where they don’t belong.’

‘We couldn’t let this one interfere,’ the third witch said. ‘She had to be managed.’

‘But you can’t just turn people into cats!’ Ryan protested. ‘That’s just not on.’ 

‘She would have discovered us,’ the third witch spat out.

Behind her, Yaz could see the small yellow cat walking along the edge of the cauldron, sonic screwdriver in its teeth, peering down into the murky liquid. Over the sound of the potion bubbling and Graham and Ryan giving the witches a lecture on turning people into animals without their consent, it was almost impossible to hear the whir of the sonic as the cat awkwardly scanned the brew and hopped onto a nearby table to interpret the results. 

‘Why are you doing this then?’ Yaz said, deciding perhaps stalling for time was her best option. Wriggling free certainly wasn’t going to work, every attempt she made at tugging her wrists from the ropes only made them tighter. ‘You need our hearts to create a sustainable food source -or something equally disgusting anyway - but why here? Why this village?’

‘It is convenient,’ the second witch scowled. ‘They are frightened of us. They would not think to try and look for us.’ 

‘You’re using their fear of you to make it easier for you to hunt?’ Graham said. ‘That is messed up.’

The cat had finished its analysis of the sonic and was now nosing around on the table, sniffing the various bottles and potions and pawing at them so it could read the labels. 

‘So what,’ Yaz continued, drawing the third witch’s attention away when it started to turn towards the table which the cat was sat on. ‘Your plan was to just murder your way through a village of people then move onto the next place when you’re done and hope no-one tries to come after you in the meantime? Is that it?’

‘It’s always worked before,’ the third witch replied, teeth glinting, and Yaz realised with horror that they’d probably murdered thousands - if not millions - of people already. This village was just the next stop of their list. 

‘And eating hearts is your only food source?’ Ryan said, spotting the cat and realising what Yaz was doing. ‘There’s honestly nothing else you could munch on?’

‘I’ve got a biscuit bar in my pocket,’ Graham said. ‘You could give that a go if you like.’ 

‘Enough of this,’ the first witch snarled. ‘You shall experience first hand how we make our feed. Sisters! Carve out her heart!’

‘Oi! Get off me!’ Yaz yelled as strong hands held her down. Witch-Gilbert held up a knife, the point poised to be brought down on her chest, and Yaz squeezed her eyes shut.

‘Meow.’

The four witches turned in unison and Yaz craned her head to see what they were looking at. 

The small yellow cat was sat on the edge of the cauldron, observing them with its narrow, green eyes, a small vial filled with something containing a dark orange liquid clamped in its teeth. 

‘Meow,’ it said again.

_ ‘You,’ _the first witch hissed. ‘How did you get inside?’

‘Wait! Sisters,’ the second witch said in horror. ‘What does it have? What is it holding?’

The cat tilted its head at Yaz, as though it was silently asking her if she was okay, before winking at her and dropping the small vial of dark orange liquid into the cauldron; immediately leaping off and landing with a _ thump _on Yaz’s legs. 

‘Nooo! Stop it! Get it out! Get it out!’ the witches cried, racing to their cauldron and frantically throwing in more potions and liquids as they tried to reverse whatever it was the Doctor had done.

The cat leaped onto the table where it had hidden the sonic screwdriver and then hopped back onto Yaz’s legs with the device in its teeth, clumsily activating it to release the ropes around Yaz’s wrists and ankles and set her free. 

‘Is it meant to be doing that, Doc?’ Graham said as Yaz and the cat jumped down off the table to free the two men.

Yaz turned to see what he was looking at. The cauldron was boiling and bubbling, spewing out jets of black smoke and juddering in its cradle over the fire. 

Graham assumed, at least by the way the cat was trying to bite through the ropes around his wrists whilst Yaz worked out how to use the sonic, that no it _ wasn’t _meant to be doing that and they had to make a move sharpish. 

Once they were free the cat meowed loudly at them and dived for the door, the three humans stumbling after it as the witches frantically scrambled to save their potion. It looked like the cat had triggered some kind of chemical reaction and the smell emitted from it was rank, the smoke spilling out faster and faster until Ryan had to cover his mouth and nose as they ran through a dark tunnel towards a light at the end, the cat meowing urgently at them all the while.

They spilled out into the forest, trees above their heads creating a canopy hardly any sunlight was filtering through and branches and logs below their feet causing a trip hazard as they stumbled through in the near dark, trying to stick together though they were losing each other all the while. Yaz could feel twigs tugging at her hair as she ran, branches pulling at her clothes and leaves crunching under her feet. The cat was up ahead somewhere, meowing insistently, and she could hear Ryan and Graham stumbling along somewhere beside her, though where exactly was anyone’s guess.

Then there was an explosion and she was blown through the air. 

She heard, rather than felt, the impact as she slammed into a tree, hitting the ground hard with a thud that left her winded. Besides her two other thuds indicated that Ryan and Graham had been thrown through the air also, and she lay there in the dark with her hand curled around a branch for stability till the ringing in her ears had abated somewhat and she was finally able to open her eyes and start to move. 

The explosion had blown a gap in the trees and sunlight streamed in, illuminating an utterly obliterated clearing with debris and broken branches littered around them. There was no sign of the witches, or indeed the cave they’d escaped from, and Yaz struggled to her feet; wincing as she felt bruises begin to form on her ribs from the impact with the tree. Miraculously nothing seemed to be broken and she helped Ryan drag a branch off of Graham’s legs so he could - albeit wobbly - make it to his feet. 

‘Where’s the Doc?’ Graham asked, looking around as he rubbed his head and wiped blood away from his nose.

They heard a quiet meow and Yaz turned to find the yellow cat limping towards them, its back leg held up so it wasn’t putting any weight on it with a deep red stain against its fur.

‘Hello, you,’ Yaz said softly, bending down so the cat could clamber up onto her shoulders where it curled around her neck and purred happily to itself. 

‘Looks alright to me,’ Graham said, peering at the cat’s leg. ‘Just a scratch.’ 

‘What do we do now?’ Ryan asked as they stood amongst the destruction and smouldering logs around them. ‘I’m assuming this means the potion exploded. What happened to the witches?’

The cat meowed quietly and Yaz reached up to scratch its head. 

‘I think they might have got exploded along with it,’ Graham said. ‘Come on, let’s head back to the village and find the TARDIS. Hopefully then we’ll be able to sort the Doc out.’

It was a long trek back to the village but the sun was beginning to rise and the witches’ spell on the trees had been reversed, the branches and leaves receding to allow the early morning light to shine through. The cat dosed around Yaz’s neck for most of it and the three of them were mainly silent, exhausted from hours of walking and sore from the explosion. Ryan’s feet were aching and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to walk for much longer by the time they finally exited the forest and stepped onto the outskirts of the village, dazzled by the sun. 

‘You’re okay! We were so worried!’

Villagers began to walk up to them, anxious hands at their arms as they helped them through the square. They were asking what happened, did they find their friend? but Yaz was feeling more and more exhausted and Graham was beginning to limp by the time they were assisted through the doors of the mayor’s home, some of the villagers already calling upstairs for Gilbert.

‘You’re not going to find him,’ Graham said. ‘You’d better let us explain.’

* * *

When Yaz woke up she was alone. 

She’d gone to sleep with the cat curled against her neck but it was gone now and the orange sky outside indicated it must be late afternoon. They’d all gone pretty much straight to bed once Graham had explained the Gilbert situation and Yaz winced as she threw back the covers, feeling the bruises across her torso and the aches in her bones as she stood and padded towards the stairs. She could hear voices from downstairs, Ryan’s voice and the occasional meow of the cat, and when she walked into the living room she found Graham in an armchair and Ryan kneeling down in front of the fire with the cat sat in front of him, looking up at Ryan in annoyance. Yaz had never seen a cat look annoyed before. She’d seen the Doctor look annoyed before though, and she wondered what it was Ryan had done this time. 

‘Okay, but here’s the thing,’ Ryan said, hands on his hips. ‘I know that all of the evidence is in front of us, and it would be idiotic to ignore it, but are we _ sure _that’s the Doctor?’

The cat tilted its head at him and Graham raised an eyebrow. Yaz wondered where he was going with this.

‘I’m just saying,’ Ryan continued, ‘that maybe it would be a good idea to test it.’

‘Test it how?’ Graham said. ‘Poor thing ain’t got thumbs it can hardly write a written exam. What’s it supposed to do?’

‘You know what to do,’ Ryan told the cat. ‘There’s only one thing you could do right now which would prove to me, beyond all reasonable doubt, that you’re the Doctor.’ 

The cat looked mildly irritated. 

‘And what’s that?’ Graham asked, rolling his eyes. ‘What would convince you?’

‘Doctor,’ Ryan said, ‘you need to do the polite cat face.’

The cat meowed loudly at him and Yaz didn't need to speak cat to be able to understand the gist of what it was saying.

_ I’m not a performing monkey! _

‘Doctor, you’re missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime,’ Ryan said, grinning. ‘You’ve trained for this, you’ve waited for this moment. I need to see it.’

The cat growled at him.

‘Oh go on,’ Ryan said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. ‘Just once. For me.’ 

The cat sat back on its haunches, glared at him, and then - incredibly - did the polite cat face.

‘You’re a legend,’ Ryan said, holding up his hand for the cat to high five with a paw. ‘Coolest person I know. Or cat. Both!’

The cat looked smug. 

‘How are we gonna change her back, though?’ Yaz asked from the doorway, and the three of them looked up to welcome her inside. ‘She can’t just stay as a cat!’

‘Is it gonna wear off like the trees?’ Graham asked. ‘The spell, I mean?’

The cat shook its head.

‘So what do we do?’ Yaz asked. She felt as though she should be panicking at the possibility of her friend staying as a cat for the rest of her life, but she knew the Doctor would think of something. She always did. 

The cat jumped onto the chair where Graham’s coat lay over the back of it and dug around in his pockets with a paw, eventually withdrawing a familiar silver key.

‘The TARDIS?’ Ryan said. ‘The TARDIS can change you back?’

The cat shook its head but then jumped off the table and leapt towards the door, leaving the humans no choice but to follow. 

* * *

‘Crickey, I guess this is your equivalent of a witches’ cave, right, Doc?’ Graham said, grinning at the glass beakers and Bunsen burners and other scientific equipment he didn't recognise littered around the room. It reminded Yaz and Ryan of a souped-up science laboratory similar to the ones they had in school and the cat was carefully stepping over various pieces of equipment, sniffing this and batting that with a paw as it searched in amongst the clutter and general mess. 

‘Need a hand finding anything?’ Ryan said. ‘Not that I’ll know what to look for.’

The cat meowed and hopped off the table, heading towards a cupboard and pawing at it until Ryan opened it. The cupboard was stacked with electrical equipment, mysterious technology, and other random gadgets and gizmos which Yaz couldn’t identify. 

The cat jumped up onto the third shelf and started knocking things off it with a paw. Graham winced as what looked like intricate machinery hit the ground but soon the cat was back on the table with what looked like a DVD player in its teeth. 

The TARDIS hummed above their heads and the cat pawed at Yaz’s arm until Yaz realised it wanted the sonic which she helpfully pointed at the object. The device on the table was beginning to hum and vibrate against the wood, the lights on it flashing as a small electrical panel lit up and begin to emit a whirring sound. A few moments later a swirling whirlpool of colour and light appeared above it, blues and golds and purples spinning together impossibly fast inside it which forced the humans backwards as strong winds coming from the centre began to pick up loose bits of paper, sending them flying around the room. It looked almost like a black hole had been produced by the device and Yaz realised with horror that the cat was backing up to the end of the table, seemingly about to jump through it. 

‘Wait! Doctor!’

The cat looked at her and blinked green eyes. It seemed to be saying _ what? I thought you wanted me to change back? _

‘This isn’t going to kill you, right?’ Ryan checked, and the cat actually sat back on its rear legs so it could shrug indifferently. 

‘I’m just saying, Doc,’ Graham said. ‘I’d rather you were a cat then a mashed up puddle of-’

‘Shut _ up, _Graham!’ Yaz protested. ‘I don’t want to picture that! Just - are you sure? Doctor? Are you sure this isn’t going to kill you?’

The cat meowed, winked at her, and sprinted towards the whirlpool; leaping through it and disappearing in a blaze of golden light. 

Then there was nothing. The whirlpool continued to spin but there was no sign of the Doctor. 

‘But, where did she go?’ Graham said, getting as close to it as he dared. ‘I can’t see her -’

Then, in a tangle of limbs, the Doctor shot headfirst through the other side; landing with an _ oof _on the floor as the whirlpool disappeared and the device turned itself off. 

‘Doctor!’ Yaz yelled in delight. 

The Doctor tried to stand but quickly fell over again, only just catching herself in time to avoid hitting the edge of the table.

‘Ooh two legs. So weird. Four legs is so much better, you can run faster! Ow. Ow ow ow! _ Ow _I forgot about the energy blast. Just caught me as we were running out of the cave. Stings like anything.’

She stretched out one of her legs in front of her, hand rubbing over her calf where an angry red burn obscured most of her lower leg and Ryan remembered the leg wound the cat had had. Apparently it had transferred across. It look worse now it was on the bare skin of the Doctor's leg and Ryan pulled a face on her behalf. It reminded him of injuries he’d had at school when he’d decided skateboarding would be a fun thing for a dyspraxic kid to try and do. Needless to say, it had ended in very similar injuries. 

‘Jeez, Doc!’ Graham protested, a hand over his eyes. ‘Cover yourself up!’

‘Like this?’ the Doctor replied, hands over her face mimicking his gesture. ‘Why? I can’t see anything now.’

‘He means clothes,’ Yaz laughed, tugging a blanket off the back of a chair - making a mental note to reprimand her friend for apparently _ sleeping down here _\- and tucking it over the Doctor's shoulders, hugging her tightly. 

‘Aw this is nice,’ the Doctor said with a grin. ‘Can’t beat a nice cuddle. I think I prefer people cuddles to cat cuddles.’

‘Mate, you were a cat!’ Ryan said, still shocked by her sudden transformation.

‘Yeah! I remember!’ the Doctor said, accepting Yaz’s arm as she helped her to stand on shaky legs, transferring her to a chair so Yaz could check the wound on her leg and she could get her bearings back. ‘It was well weird.’

‘But, _ how?’ _Graham asked. ‘How did you get turned into a cat in the first place? Can’t be magic, surely.’

‘Were you not listening when we left Bilehurst Craig?’ the Doctor admonished him. ‘_ Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. _It wasn’t magic, it was science. Sneakily hidden matter transformers, to be exact. Like that one -' she gestured at the device that had turned her back '- but smaller. They were hidden in the forest. I stepped on one when we first went out there, hence the cat.’

‘We heard you scream then we found your clothes,’ Yaz remembered. 

‘Yeah. I think the intention was for me to actually _ become _a cat. Time Lord brain though, didn't work so well. I kept my memories.’

‘How did you know Gilbert was working for them?’ Ryan said. ‘In the town hall after the meeting, you hissed at him.’

‘I overheard him speaking to them using a communicator beforehand,’ the Doctor said darkly. ‘He was only pretending to warn you off going back into the forest, luring you guys in was the plan all along.’

‘And the heart thing?’ Graham said. ‘What was that about?’

‘It’s like they said,’ the Doctor said, pulling a face. ‘Human hearts contain this protein you won’t find anywhere else. Hasn’t been discovered by your scientists yet but give ‘em time, they’ll get there. You add that protein to the potion and you get their “feed”, or whatever they called it.’

‘They must have been aliens though,’ Ryan said. ‘Must’ve been! No such thing as witches, right?’

The Doctor shrugged, tugging the blanket around her shoulders a little tighter. ‘I mean, every “witch” I’ve ever met has just been doing what that lot did; using the belief of a society to concrete in the evidence that they _ are _witches to frighten them into submission, doesn’t make it true though.’ 

‘So what were they?’ Yaz asked. 

‘Dunno. I’ll have to rummage around, see if I can find anything. I was hoping to find some kind of cloaking field or hidden button in their cave, something that would transform them back into their true form. I couldn’t see anything though. I’m starting to wonder if that _ was _their true form.’

‘They mentioned a perception filter, that’s alien isn’t it?’ Ryan said. 

‘Not necessarily,’ the Doctor admitted. ‘When _ I _ say perception filter I’m usually referring to a device that _ creates _a perception filter. They may have just meant it as the resulting outcome without referring to anything that generates it in particular. They must have used something though to make Gilbert appear so human. Not a clue as to what it was though. Something else magicky-sciency.’

‘You not knowing something, that scares me,’ Graham said with a shiver, standing on the Doctor's other side and assisting Yaz in getting their friend back up on her feet. ‘Come on, up you get. Get yourself cleaned up and we can find some food. I’m starving.’

‘As long as it isn’t mice,’ the Doctor said, wrinkling her nose. ‘They’re not nice _ at all.’ _

Ryan decided not to ask. 

* * *

Later that evening, when the boys had gone to bed and Yaz and the Doctor were stretched out on the sofa watching old Halloween films, Yaz realised the Doctor was falling asleep against her; her head sliding down onto Yaz’s shoulder as she slumped against the back of the sofa, exhausted by the day’s events and the painful molecular transformation that had turned her back into a person. 

Yaz, half asleep herself, reached up a hand to brush against the Doctor's hair; stroking it back soothingly as an old woman in a fake nose and pointed hat cackled on the TV screen.

Then the Doctor started to make a sound that sounded an awful lot like a very cat-like purr. 

She shot awake a few seconds later, a hand at her throat as she coughed awkwardly whilst Yaz laughed at her shocked expression.

‘That’ll wear off eventually,’ the Doctor said, sinking back against Yaz; though she looked a little embarrassed. ‘Hopefully.’

A few minutes later, when she was asleep again and Yaz was back to stroking her hair, she started purring once more. She didn't wake herself up this time though so Yaz only smiled, settled back, and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll go back to updating my other WIPS now!
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who's left me such lovely comments! If you liked this story please do let me know <3 Your lovely messages make my day xx


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